Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
