I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
