My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize