Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
