My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
