She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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