Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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