Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
