JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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