arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
