wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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