just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
