3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
