there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
