My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
