I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
