Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
