I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
