Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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