You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
