last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
