If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
