You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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