No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
