so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
