he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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