Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
