the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
