Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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