I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
