i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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