i need an iv and a liver transplant
Swine flu is the new snow day.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's never too late to be topless.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
