dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
