I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize