I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
