Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
