You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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