Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
