I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
