the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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