just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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