I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
