im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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