At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
