i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
