Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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