Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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