remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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