did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
