fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
