Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
