Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
