i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
