Ketchup is God's man juice
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I could fuck to npr.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
