Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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