Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
