every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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