What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
