did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
