you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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