Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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