I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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