and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
