That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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