Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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