Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
