you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
