Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
