happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize