The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
